We went to a Halloween party Friday night.  We got invited months ago.  A friend of mine was the host/party planner.  It was a fundraiser for a good cause and I wanted to support her hard work.  However, I was anxious, like normal, about going to an event with a lot of people, most of whom would be strangers.  Then it occurred to me that I could wear a mask and nobody would be able to look at me. 

If they can’t see my face or my body then they can’t judge whether or not they think I am male or female.  If they aren’t trying to make that judgment – they won’t have to react awkwardly or negatively towards me if they think I am not conforming to my given gender appropriately enough for their standards.

Even though I “knew” that having a costume on would be safer for me; I was pleasantly surprised at how true this actually was.  Right away, walking in the door, instead of the usual questioning and potentially judgmental looks, nobody batted an eye that Darth Vader was walking in.

I was fully dressed in black.  I had on black boots, black pants, a black turtle neck and button down shirt, and a thin black stocking cap on.  The Darth Vader mask covered my face.  My black cloak with the hood up finished off the outfit of darkness.  I really felt like I had an ‘invisibility cloak’ covering me.  Granted, I was noticed walking through the crowd – but not for the same reasons as normal.

Interestingly enough though, the costume caused other problems.  Like, I could hardly see out of the eye area on the mask, everything was a blur.  I noticed eventually that my hearing was also impaired with the mask on.  So I was able to walk around and not have to worry about people’s reactions to my lack of gender congruity – the only problem was that I had to walk around worried that I would run into someone and that I couldn’t understand what anyone said to me.

All the more reason to stand pretty much in one place.  We found a couple of our friends.  Feeling safe enough around the people I knew, I was able to lift my mask and see and hear them while we chatted.  I have to admit though that it was highly comforting to know and be able to flip the mask down anytime a stranger approached.

With my costume on, I was able to simply be part of the crowd.  I was one of the many who had put time and energy into a costume.  I was one of the many who were enjoying taking on a different persona for the evening.  I was a recognizable character.  Even though I was “scary” looking given who I was representing… I was just part of the crowd.  I was not a threat to anyone’s reality of how men and women are supposed to act or behave.

Besides, Halloween had the added bonus that it is certainly a holiday that it is acceptable to play the part of the opposite gender without warranting a negative reaction.  Not only would people assume I was a man in my Darth costume, they would not freak out if they found out I was a woman instead.

Boys can dress like girls on Halloween.  Girls can dress like boys on Halloween.

Wollner can fit in amongst strangers on Halloween.

 And carry a light saber…