Last year, I was propped up on a chair on the porch with a bag of candy on my lap and a walker in front of me, sort of like a shield.  I was in a great deal of pain – despite the muscle relaxants and pain medication that I finally agreed to take.  I wonder now if the kids coming for candy thought I was in some weird costume or something.

Let’s just keep it simple for now and say that I have had a “bad back” for a long time.  Four days prior to Halloween in 2005 took it to a whole different level though.  I had been used to rather constant pain for years.  I had known, if you will, what it was like to have muscles spasm.  That particular morning though, when my back seized up so abruptly that I hit the floor face first, I thought I was going to die.  The pain was so excruciating I cannot even really describe it.  I was paralyzed, for the most part, on the bathroom floor.  I will spare you the details of how long it took and how messed up it was to crawl (sort of) and maneuver myself to a phone.

In fact, I am not sure that I am even ready to go back and read journal entries from this event.  I certainly am not motivated to remember it all right now.

I can give you a few highlights… about how my friend Christopher came over and helped me get dressed; and my chiropractor and acupuncture person both came to my house and worked on me; about how I was unable to walk on my own for days; about how Trudy had to set an alarm for every 2-3 hours throughout the nights to wake me up and literally flip my body over so that I wouldn’t cramp up (more) being in the same position too long; or how she had to help me do any and all self-care for those first few days.  I could share that my friend Boyer brought me the walker – which I was strong enough to use by Halloween day – to get from the “Recovery Room” to the porch to hand out candy.

I made incremental improvement each day and was able to graduate to the cane instead of the walker by that next week.  Even though I am not truly prepared to go back to that time and share more details, what amazes me and made me want to acknowledge this time frame is that I honestly did not know a year ago if I would ever be able to walk again.  I was terrified that I was officially ‘broken’ enough that my body was done.

I am not up for sharing all of the details of the recovery work in the last year.

I will share with you that I am so grateful for the people that helped along the way.  My amazement never ceases at what love and faith can do for a person.

I am free of the need for the support of the cane for months now.  I go for a walk nearly every day – partially because I know it is key to relieving my pain, stretching my muscles out, and building back strength.  But mostly I walk now – because I can.

This year for Halloween, when the kids showed up for candy, I could actually stand up and greet them. 

I am grateful for this anniversary of sorts.  And grateful for everyone who has had a part in the process of getting my back – back on track…